Too Much To Take
by annades49800
Summary: Tris cannot take her life anymore. After the war things started to fall apart. Tris's life changed too much; she could not take it anymore. All her family is dead, both literally and figuratively. Her relationship with Tobias had begun to fall apart for seemingly pointless reasons. And it was all just too much. If wanted, I may make a sequel
1. Chapter 1

_**Hey guys. I'm sorry if you read the first ch that was up before this. but this is my real chapter one. yet again im really sorry.**_

**But hey everyone. as you know this is a divergent ff. This will be pretty dramatic and maybe a little depressing. it will only have a few chapters enjoy**

** i don't own divergent, that's miss Roth's wonderful work:)**

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CH ONE:

Tris sits on her bed. Alone for another one of those sleepless nights. See had to get her own apartment after the Dauntless returned from the war. Tris would have stayed with Tobias, however considering she betrayed him and he didn't forgive her, she needed to find her own home. The apartment is identical to his, causing a pain that she couldn't shake. The memories she had with him were the best and the worst she had ever experienced and the apartment only kept them fresh on her mind.

All of the things that she had done and that had been done to her had made a permanent impression on her; molding who she was now, and that wasn't much. Everything had been going wrong ever since initiation ended. Tris silently makes a list in her head of all the things that make her life unbearably: she killed Will, she was selfish, she was a murderer, she didn't deserve what she had, she messed up all the relationships that have ever mattered to her, she completely betrayed the only man she loved, she doesn't forgive him for him not forgiving her. And there are so many more, every one adding pain of different weights to her shoulders. And she couldn't hold it anymore.

She has tried so many time to talk to Tobias, write him a letter, to communicate in some way with him but she has never found the courage to. However Tobias hasn't made any moves either. There have been so many apologies that have been written signed Tris, that have been sealed only to be ripped and thrown in the trash.

There had been so many decisions that should have been different and they were all her fault. She could not bear being the cause of all the anguish in her life it was too much to take. Everything was too much to take.

As these thoughts press through her mind, Tris falls to the ground, shaking. These panic attacks have been coming more often and have become harder to calm herself out of. Everything builds up making an impenetrable wall, separating her from rational thought. Sobs wrack through her body, jolting her forward with force. She jolts up. She knows what she will do next. It is the only thing that could take her out of this hell.

~(0)~

Tobias wakes up, taking a shaky breath. He reaches around the bed searching for a person who isn't there.

There have been so many things that have gone wrong. Tris being the worst. He can't believe what she did, however Tobias' love for her is still strong, he can't imagine it ever fading. The only thing that keeps him down on earth is the thought that they might someday get better. He knows there is no one else for him, and he can't believe that they have been so distant, and part of that is his fault. The only reason he hasn't gone to her apartment and begged for her to come back to him is his pride. He hopes that's the only reason keeping her from coming back as well.

The pain in his chest is unbearable, however the only thing that could ever numb his pain would be Tris. At this point he makes the decision he should have made weeks ago. He will go to her apartment, but in the morning, not wanting to wake her up. He will bring flowers and chocolate cake, that has always made her happier. Tobias can only hope she will accept his apology.

He falls back to sleep better than he has since Tris was in his arms.

~(0)~

Tris walks from her room, with shoes barley making a noise on the cement floor. She turns so many ways, her mind wandering somewhere no where near the Dauntless compound. Somewhere that might not even exist.

There is no one out to see her as she makes her way through the pit and up to the pire. She opens the door to exit the compound the cold night air, wrapping around her encasing her in it's cold embrace.

She makes her way to the train tracks, not once looking back at the life she will soon leave behind. Thoughts of all that have gone wrong in her life play through her mind, like a movie. This movie however will not have a happy ending.

There is only one thought that slows her walk. What if. What if she had apologized? What if Tobias had forgiven her? What if the war had not come and destroyed everyone's life? These answers are mostly easy: Tris and Tobias would be happy, together, thinking of someday getting married. But what if is not real. And what is real is unbearable.

With the cold air acting as a sedative towards her body, her thoughts have finally started to slow. Stepping on the tracks she hears the sound and feels the vibrations of an oncoming train. Everything in her mind is turned off, she is numb. Her body unconsciously turns facing the side the train is not coming from. She slinks down sitting cross legged as she often did during her time she spent with her family in Abnegation after dinner. But they are gone. These new thoughts come to Tris, making her bend over; another panic attack. The thought of her mothers sacrifice for Tris' own life hurts, now more than ever because Tris is so willingly giving her life away. Her father, had no good reason to die, however it was also for Tris' life. Caleb however, Caleb's betrayal fuels the fire Tris used to get herself where she is. Caleb's betrayal was just one of the things weighing her down, making it too much to take. Tobias crosses her mind as well, a man she had hoped would become family. He has caused her so much pain, along with love, but that love seemed to always come at a price. Another weight.

Tris' hands are surrounding the rails holding her body in place as her mind drifts away, finally clearing. Within seconds the train makes impact with her body, finally giving her relief from everything that was just too much to take.

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Okay guys that was the real 1st chapter. i hope you liked that it was in 3rd person. i thought it was fine. please review and tell me what you think I'll probably finish the 2nd chapter later today so I will probably update it late tonight. thank you so much for putting up with my weird story posting ways, i hope you liked it. and if you've read my other story im sure your thinking ' are you some crazy person obsessed with hitting tris with trains?" well good thing that answer is no although it may seem like it :)...

well i hoped you liked it! Anna


	2. Chapter 2

**hi everyone! thank you so much for the follows and the reviews! i love hearing from you guys. I just posted this so recently and to see so people already reading it is so exiting, so thanks guys!**

**Oh and just to clear some stuff up that I got in a review, Tris did die, the train hit her.**

**Also I added ,I think, 100 words to the first chapter, as a request from another reviewer. It's in the 2nd to last paragraph! It's just Tris' thoughts concerning her family. Nothing else changed, it doesn't affect anything! **

**Hope you enjoy the new chapter here it is:**

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**CH 2**

****Tobias is glad when the morning comes. He can't wait to finally apologize to Tris. Sure it will slightly sting his pride, but that is not even vaguely important; Tris is everything to Tobias and he doesn't know why he hasn't done this yet.

Tobias climbs out of bed, and makes sure the shirt he's wearing doesn't have any stains or holes. Satisfied with his shirt, he leaves his apartment and heads towards the pit to get some flowers. He's pretty sure there's a flower shop somewhere. As soon as he sees the shop he sees an add for several pre-made arrangements, he knows one perfect for Tris. There are grey flowers that are oddly gorgeous, blue, delicate looking flowers, the same exact color as Tris' eyes, and beautiful pinks and oranges, like a sunset. Together it is oddly beautiful, like Tris.

Tobias heads back down the pit to the cafeteria. He gets straight in line and asks for a piece of cake. The lady looks at Tobias funny but gets what he asked. He plans on coming to get real food with Tris a little later.

Tobias is just about to leave and head towards Tris' apartment but is stopped by Zeke calling his name.

He heads over to the table where his friends are. Lauren is first to notice the flowers and lack of breakfast food on Tobias' plate. "What's with your breakfast, and the flowers?" She asks, earning a few snickers from the rest of the group.

"They're for Tris. I'm done with waiting, I need to apologize." Tobias tells them. "Well that's very gentleman-ish." Shauna says with a smile. Tobias returns the smile and tells them that he is going to Tris now.

He walks the path to the new member's apartments, silently rehearsing his apology. By the time he gets to the dorm he thinks he's mastered his speech. He knocks on the door expecting Tris to come to the door half dressed with a tooth brush in her mouth and a hair brush stuck in her hair. Instead he gets silence. He knocks again with the same response. Tobias opens the door peaking his head in the room, "Tris?" There is no answer, no lights just unmade sheets falling off one side of the bed.

He steps out of the room, shutting the door. He feels deflated, he thought he would have her in his arms by now, when in reality she is no where in sight.

He heads back to the cafeteria to find the compound full of whispering people. Tobias catches words like, "Train,", "Completely mangled", "Depressed," and many other words he can't make out.

He keeps wandering, trying to understand what's going on but it's like trying to solve a puzzle with invisible pieces. After about 30 minutes of wandering he spots Christina running around. He catches up with her and pulls her arm. She spins around looking ready to tear Tobias' head off, then she recognizes the person who grabbed her, and her face goes soft, she looks at Tobias with sad eyes. Her eyes reflect the grief she feels and are red from crying.

"Four..." She feels like she can't continue. "What?" Tobias asks.

"It's Tris..." A terrible horrible, suspenseful acid boils in his stomach-he is fearing the worst. "Tris, she got hit by a train... last night..." She can barley finish chocking on her sobs, her best friend gone, like that. But Tobias is still in shock, "She's..." He doesn't have to finish the sentence for Christina to know what he was asking. Christina nods her head, wishing with all her heart that she could shake it instead. Tris is _dead._ How could she?, Tobias thinks. She wouldn't be stupid enough for it to be an accident. It must have been on purpose. Suicide.

This hurts worse than any pain cause by a belt or a fist. This is pure torture, no time will heal this wound.

"Can I see her?" Tobias asks. Christina starts sobbing again. She has asked the people who collected Tris the same question but they had denied it.

"The doctor wouldn't let me" She has to wipe her nose and collect herself. "They said the body was too mangled " With that neither of them can take it any more, they both sink to the floor wrapped in sobs.

~(0)~

Hours later, Tobias heads out from his apartment. He made his decision as soon as he learned Tris was gone; he will not go on with out Tris and he certainly would never get over her. This way none of those things are problems.

Tobias has only ever cared about Tris. Even when they were back in Abnegation and when she was still Beatrice he noticed her. He has always noticed her and he knows he would only continue on less than a shell of himself with out her. He gave her so much of him that when she left almost nothing of him remained.

He cared about his friends but Tobias is not a major part in their lives. They would get over him, which was why he could leave. Tris made a terrible decision of leaving but he will not judge her, because there is no point. He will be gone no matter if he still lives or not. The only difference is he would be with Tris one way and living but not alive the other way.

Soon they would be together. It is a terrible, beautiful thing that people can be so in love that one is never alone, where one goes, the other follows, with no terms or conditions. However he would not take a single minute back. Even though his love for her leads to his demise he would keep everything the same. He never knew love until he met Tris. Tris showed him love, and faith. But love always comes with a price.

Tobias places his hands on the rails of the chasm. He looks over and spots the place where he kissed Tris for the first time. That is his favorite spot in Dauntless- perhaps his favorite spot in all of the factions.

Slowly and methodically Tobias places himself on the uncovered side of the ledge. He looks down but somehow doesn't think of the height but the exhilaration from the height, as Tris would see it. She was never afraid of heights- the heights turned her on.

He takes one last breath, like the breath he always takes before he fires a gun into a person, stealing someones life. With his last breath he steals his own life.

This falling felt the same way falling in love with Tris did. Dangerous, free, but completely by choice.

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Hey guys thanks for reading!

It's kinda hard to write this for too long because it kinda depresses me...

so yeah, thanks for reading I love feedback.

There will be one more chapter! However if you like my writing, please check out my other Divergent fanfic.

Thanks for reading y'all! Anna


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey everyone! Thank you all for your support! Special thanks to BailyBoo1207**

**Also in response to Avelie Trace, Tris 'betrayed' Tobias several ways, one way in insurgent. if you haven't read it I don't want to spoil it for you. Another way is in my story, shes killing herself so she knows Tobias wont like that, so in a sense is betraying him. It's mainly the first reason though.**

**Just want to say this is the last chapter for this, but I have another story which I would love if you read. It is also about Divergent. However I might do random updates with a new ending{Avelie, this was also partly because of your review:)}. Like I would update and say this is a new ending- starts after chapter 2... wouldn't that be cool! You could choose your own ending... I like this idea...**

**Well anyway thanks for reading, enjoy!**

**P.S I don't own Divergent, if I did the book would completely be wrecked!**

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**CH 3 [THIS CHAPTER WILL BE THE FIRST OF MANY CHAPTER THREES AKA ONE OF THE ENDING]**

Christina is in complete and total shock. She knew Four and Tris loved each a lot but she didn't know the extent of that love. Four killed himself because he could not live without Tris. Christina had known love but nothing she had ever experienced would would have led her to react the way Four did. It reminds her of a story her mother once told her, called Romeo and Juliette. Pretty much all the factors were the same, the two situations were so similar it was almost humors. Other than the fact that both situations were tragedy. Just to humor herself and take her mind off of the grief she was feeling she decided she would let herself think about the humor in the comparisons. In both situations, the two lovers were not in any situation to be together, yet in a way that made their love stronger. The boy was older by several years than the girl. Each family would be against their being in love. The worst part was that both lovers ended up dead. The best part was that they had their short period of time where their love flourished, probably the best moments in their lives. They both had a love so strong they could not go on without the other.

Christina slides her long legs through a black dress, suitable for the occasion; a funeral. Everyone who knew Tris and Four had agreed that they should have their funerals at the same time.

Earlier she had tried to put on mascara but with no success, she couldn't even get the waterproof on her eyelashes before tears would come, smearing it. Eventually she gave up.

She walk down to a reserved part in the pit for the funeral, passing nearly all the shops she could remember Tris and her going into. She found it hard to control her breathing, and tried as hard as she could not to cry too loudly.

She walks to a group where all of her friends are. All of them are having the same problems as Christina, trying to control their emotions.

Several minutes later the ceremony begins. It sounds similar to the one Al was given after his life was taken the same way Tris and Four's lives were. It felt so wrong, Tris herself had said that Al was selfish for suicide, yet she had done the same thing.

Christina felt herself fall to the ground unable to take this anymore. Her body erupted in sobs. She could see others with tears in their eyes but now that someone had actually started sobbing, others did too.

It was too much to take; Christina had to get out of here. She left, heading for her apartment.

~(0)~

Later that night when no one else was out, Christina returned to the spot where the coffins were containing Tris and Four's bodies.

Tears still come down her face but she is able to control herself now. She looks silently at the coffins from a distance. They look very plain yet somehow beautiful. The smaller one, Tris', is lighter than Four's, which is a dark mahogany wood. Tris' coffin is closed. She remembers what the doctor told her: "We aren't letting anyone see her; the body is too mangled".

Christina steps closer. She takes a closer look at the coffins, seeing that they each have intricate carvings, like vines, across the tops and sides. It really is beautiful.

Christina sees a picture between the two coffins of Tris and Four. The picture sums up their love completely. Tris stares at the camera, beaming, with her arms wrapped around Four's neck, as if they had just kissed. Four is smiling but looking at Tris, with a loving gaze. Christina has never seen this picture before but it could not be more perfect.

Christina sets down several candles, and lights them. She stands there fro a while longer, recalling all her memories of her and Tris. Where did her life go so wrong?

~(0)~

**- 4 YEARS LATER-**

**POV CHRISTINA**

Many years have gone by without Tris and Four, and although they were wonderful, happy years, the memories made with Tris simply could not be replaced. I had always hoped I would be Tris' maid of honor when she married Four, and her for me. So many other memories that could have been made but never were.

There are nights were I still let myself cry, yearn the loss of a best friend and a fabulous girl. I still don't know why she did it when she did, I could never figure that out. That was the night before Four was going to apologize to her, too.

I mourn the memories that were never made with her, but I am thankful for the memories that I do have.

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**Well guys thats it, I hope you liked it!**

**I made up my mind, I will do another, what if she didn't die story added into this story(as in the next chapter). I just can't have everything end like that. Everything will be explained in my note. It will be just a if chapter 3 didn't happen and a few things changed. **

**Please tell me what you think! I want to know if those next chapters would even be read!**

**3 Anna**


	4. Chapter 4

**THIS NOTE IS IMPORTANT IF YOU DON'T READ IT YOU WILL BE COMPLETELY LOST!**

**okay guys! So this is an alternate ending. That means that chapter one happened, and so did chapter 2, however they are a little different.**

**Here's how: Tris had all the same thoughts that she had in chapter one the only difference is she only got really badly injured instead of dead. Then in chapter two Tobias was not allowed to see Tris because she was in surgery. Later Tobias just stood by the chasm and didn't actually jump but those thought ran through his mind. Chapter 3 is now nonexistent!**

**If you still don't understand what is going on (I'll try to make it easy to understand) you can use your imagination to fill in the gaps :P or you could just ask me in a review, i'll answer you!**

**Enjoy, 3 Anna**

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**CH 3 {Alternate Ending #2}**

Tobias wakes up, gasping for air. Dreams- or more accurately nightmares- like these have been getting more and more frequent. All about Tris; all about her dying in some way. And her having just almost being killed by a train just fuels the dreams.

Tobias still has the flowers and later this morning he will be going to see Tris, and to apologize to her. He knows she will need comfort and support through her recovery and he wants to be the one to give her those things.

After lying around for nearly another hour trying to fall back to sleep Tobias gets up and takes a shower. He is not in any rush so his shower is nearly an hour long. All the hot water helps to relax him.

He steps out and puts on a tee shirt that Tris picked out for him when their relationship was strong and easy. She had said it was very unique and fit his personalty perfectly but Tobias don't see how it looked any different than the other shirts he owned. He hopes Tris will notice all the effort he is putting in trying to have her forgive him.

He looks at the clock: 6:42. Still much too early to visit a patient fresh out of surgery. Not knowing what else to do, he sits around wait for time to pass.

~(0)~

Tris wakes up, her body still sore from being hit by a train, and the surgery left an aching pain all over her body. She has no clue how she survived that, or who brought her back to Dauntless. Although she was trying to leave this world the thoughts that come to her now are thankful that she was not actually killed. No matter how bad the situation in the present is, there is always a future. Everything that happens in life is a lesson in one way or another. Everything up to this point in Tris' life truly has taught her so much, and she is nothing but thankful for it. Even after everything she had been through, she would not take a single thing back. All she can wonder is how could she have been so selfish, so cowardly, as to try to take her own life away. It had been given to her, and to simply take it away because she wasn't happy with the current situation was so terrible, so against everything she had learned in her childhood; it was unnerving. But the past is the past and she will not dwell on it; this is a lesson her father taught her from a young age. Tris will take this as yet another lesson, something to not do next time. Everything will be different from now on. Tris will be different, changed, but all for the better.

The doctors come in when they realize she is awake. "Hello Tris, I'm glad you're awake. How are you feeling?" A kind looking lady asks.

"I'm fine, a little sore but that's it." Tris replies.

"That's good. We have news on you condition. The good thing is you have no mental damage. Nothing above your waist is seriously damaged, just cuts, bruises, things of that nature. The right side of your body below your waist is perfectly fine, other than minor injuries. However your left leg from the knee down was damaged severely. The nerve ends were frozen somehow, we don't know for sure how but we assume it had to do with the impact force. We don't know if that will be permanent, but there is hope: therapy. After time and professional help, your nerves and movement in your leg may become back, or close enough, to normal."

Tris is shocked. Permanent damage? To her leg, does that means she's paralyzed?"Wait, am I paralyzed in that leg?" Tris asks with worry in her voice, you can't be a cripple in Dauntless.

The nurse nods, "Yes. But remember, there is hope." With an encouraging smile the nurse leaves.

~(0)~

Tobias goes out to get a quick breakfast before he goes to see Tris. It's 7:40 so she should be awake.

In the line he gabs a few sausages and some fruit. He heads up to the hospital with his food in case Tris wants some. He struggles to carry the flowers and the tray of food but he makes it to the hospital without any accidents.

He walks into the reception room and goes up to the desk. The receptionist doesn't look up so he clears his throat.

"Yes?" She asks in a gravely voice. "I want to see Tris Prior." She looks at her computer screen types in a few things and looks back up to Tobias.

"Ah she hasn't made a list of allowed visitors yet so I will have to ask her if you are allowed in. She is in critical condition so these precautions must be followed carefully. Stay here." Tobias go back to sit down as she gets up and leaves, hopefully to go ask Tris if he can come in. But she doesn't have his name. He sets all of his stuff down and runs after her.

"Wait! You don't even know my name! You can't ask her if I can come in if you don't know my name.", he calls after her. He runs up to her and catches up, slightly out of breathe.

"Oh yeah, I forgot." She sounds like she cares a lot. "My name is Four." He says, realizing she won't ask him. She nods and walks off. Tobias goes to sit back in the waiting room. He hopes Tris will let him see her.

A few minutes the reception lady comes back in and gestures for him to follow her.

After a few minutes of walking they reach a door that is cracked. The lady opens it slightly for him and leaves. He walks in a sees Tris, whose beautiful eyes meet mine as soon as he walks in the room. Her left leg is wrapped and she has so many bandages and salves on her skin she looks alien. Her face is virtually unscathed and is still as beautiful as ever. It is almost too hard for Tobias to resist running up to her a wrapping her in his embrace, like he has wanted to do for so long.

Seeing Tobias is like waking up, but fills her with a sorrow so great it causes her breath to catch in her throat. All she wants is for him to come and press his lips to hers.

He walks forward to the side of her bed. "Tris," He begins. "I am so, so, so , so, so, so ,so so ,so sorry, for everything. Ever since the war I haven't treated you like you deserve. You deserve to be loved, and for that love to be constantly shown, but I haven't done that with you, I've been distant with you, and I'm sooooo sorry. I can't tell you how terrible I feel. All I want is to be yours, and for you to be mine, all I want is you. I can not imagine what would happen if you had died, I don't know if I would have been able to go on. All I know is my life revolves around you, and you are the only thing that makes me happy, and words can't explain how much I want you back in my life. I can't stand the distance between us and I hope you're willing to give me another chance, I know I've been horrible and I know I can't say sorry enough, but I sure will try. I'll do anything for you to come back to me. I don't know why it took me so long to say this to you and I'm sorry for that to. Tris, I love you so much."

He's about to say more but stops when he sees Tris smiling, with tears falling down her face. So many emotions run through her mind, it's hard to think straight. All she can tell is she is more happy than she has ever been, shocked, and some what guilty for not also apologizing, but so relived. All she wants is him.

"Tris, are you okay?" Tobias asks, concerned because of the tears on her face, only to realize tears are coming out of his eyes as well.

"I love you so much, Tobias!" Tris says, losing it and beginning to sob. Tobias is over joyed; he never thought words could make him feel so good but these make him feel like he's floating on a cloud. He gathers Tris into his arms, whispering comforting words to her, adding in words of love occasionally until her breathing slows down. Slowly her breathing is completely normal and she falls asleep in his arms.

Tris wakes up feeling wonderful, Tobias is hers again, and she is his. She looks around for him, but doesn't see anything. No sign of him anywhere. Panic begins to take over her body. What if that was only a dream? What if he hadn't actually apologized? She can't control herself when the sobs come, taking her body over. She tries to curl up into a ball but immediately pain takes over her, causing her to sob even more.

Tobias comes back to see Tris sobbing. As soon as she sees him she sobs harder, unable to control her self. Tobias is completely confused. He runs up to her trying to calm her. "Shh, shh. What's wrong? What happened." The sobs finally stop, only to be replaced with hiccups.

"I thought... I thought you had never come. I thought I was alone."

"Shh, it's okay. You'll never be alone again."

**Alright guys that's all! There will be more chapters continuing this one just to let you know. **

**And also I have no idea if you understand what is going on and what happened and what didn't happen. I thought I explained everything fine in my note but I already know what I have going on in my head. So if you confused, please ask.**

**I hope you like it! I'll try to update within next week! I hope you liked it!**

**P.S saturday is my birth day and I like reviews! tehe**

**Love you! bey**


	5. Chapter 5

**Hey guys, sorry for the lack of updates! I've been busy, part of that with other stories! Well here you go!**

**This is a continuation of the second ending so no one is dead, I think I'll just contine this ending, I might noe make any more.**

**Here's the last few lines of the last chapter to jog your memory (I saw this on another fanfic and thought it was a good idea)**

_Tobias comes back to see Tris sobbing. As soon as she sees him she sobs harder, unable to control her self. Tobias is completely confused. He runs up to her trying to calm her. "Shh, shh. What's wrong? What happened." The sobs finally stop, only to be replaced with hiccups._

_"I thought... I thought you had never come. I thought I was alone."_

_"Shh, it's okay. You'll never be alone again."_

* * *

**Ch 4 (continued of the second ending)**

A nurse comes in several minutes later, to see her patient wrapped in a boys arms. She clears her throat and the boy gently removes his arms, looking down at her patient with the most love she's ever seen in a gaze.

The nurse speaks, "Tris, we need to start doing some tests. If you are ready it would be best to start the therapy. The sooner the better."

Tris looks at Tobias, and he sees the worry in her eyes. He knows about the severity of Tris' injuries, and he can only hope they will heal over time. He gives her a reassuring look and says, "I'll be waiting outside, I won't leave unless you tell me to." He sends her a look as he walks out the door; be brave. The door clicks shut behind him.

The nurse turns back to Tris. "So, I don't want the therapy to hurt you, so we need to make sure you're in a stable enough state. I'm going to start by asking you to stand up. I will help you, just try your best." Tris never thought she would be in a state where she needed help to stand up. She feels weak, and pathetic. Inside she feels broken, just as much as the outside. The only difference is on the inside, she finally has someone to hold her together.

Tris lifts her right leg up, easily but painfully. But her left leg won't move. The rest of her body is responsive, but her leg won't have any of that. It is like a rag, kind of limp and unresponsive. Frustrated, Tris grabs it and throws it over the bed rails, causing it to slam against the side of the bed. Tris can't feel a thing.

"Tris, you need to be careful of that. If you don't have nerves you won't know if you're doing something that will damage you leg or not. You won't know if you're bruising it or cutting it. You could be doing anything to it and you would have no idea. You need to be careful."

Tris looks at the nurse, trying to hide her annoyance. With both legs over the railing, she's completely leaning on the railing for support. The nurse comes over to make sure to catch Tris if she falls.

Tris puts all of her weight on her right side and lets go of the railing. After a few seconds of what feels like balancing on air, Tris falls over, and the nurse doesn't catch her. Hearing the noise, Tobias rushes in to see Tris on the ground looking in pain and completely flustered.

"Tris are you alright?" He asks while helping her up. "I'm okay." I just need practice. Standing felt like trying to balance on a crutch that wasn't there. Standing would be like relying on something that everyone assures her is there, but she has not real evidence of it being there. Like standing on a cloud. This will simply take practice, and that is something Tris doesn't want to have to do. It will be like learning to walk again.

"Alright, you should leave again." The nurse says, addressing Tobias.

"What, to wait for Tris to fall and to rush in and help her up. No, I'll stay in here." Tobias says with his arms around Tris' waist and eyes firm.

"Fine but move out of the way."

But Tris has a question, "Wait, if I put pressure on my leg, that just got run over by a train, is that a good idea? Isn't it broken, and shouldn't we wait for it to heal?"

The nurse responds, "Well, it's all wrapped up, with a cast, You can't hurt it. Just try to stand like you would if you could feel it."

Tris has to hold back a snort. She makes it sound easy, like she would know. She places her legs down on the ground and looks down at both of them, making sure they are both on the ground. It's like her mind is playing tricks on her; she sees two feet when she feels only one foot on the ground.

She tries placing equal weight on each foot, like she would usually But it feels off, like weights on a scale that are balanced with weights on only one side of the scale. Everything about it feels wrong, but she lets go of the railing, falling immediately after. She looks up to the nurse.

"Well how much longer do I need to be 'tested'? I think we proved I can't stand up." Tris says, completely frustrated.

"Well I think you're right. But I think improvement will come. Remember, there's hope."

Tobias stays with Tris after the nurse leaves and they talk about Tris' state. "Tobias, I don't want to live my life as a cripple, and we don't even know if I can stay, you know Dauntless is like that." Sadly Tobias agrees with her.

"But Shauna is partially paralyzed and she's still here, and recovering. I think there is hope, you just have to want to as well." Tobias takes Tris' small hand in his and stokes it.

"Well I will be trying, I don't want to live as a cripple now that I have something to live for." With this Tobias gently presses his lips to hers, and finally feels complete again. He makes a promise to himself: no matter how bad it gets, he will never let this girl go.

* * *

**okay I'm sorry if I got every single medical thing wrong, I don't know anything about that. I only got the brain, but Tris didn't get brain damage so you'll get what you get. if you have info/ advise for me it would be appreciated.**


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